Hendrix Urinal To Fetch Princely Sum

Ernest Garbrother of East Wapping has announced he will be selling the urinal that Jimi Hendrix pissed in. With the excitement around the "other" auction of Hendrix's burnt guitar, Ernest suspects the urinal will also draw huge bidding.

Garbrother owned a hotel back then and still clearly remembers the night Jimi and his friends stayed there. "I remember they were drinking a lot so I am 100% certain he pissed in it. It was the only toilet facility on that floor." While Ernest admits there is probably no original urine left it was still always a big tourist draw, "Many years later when Hendrix was a big star, I certainly always got a thrill using it."

The urinal, which Ernest kept after his hotel was torn down, has always had a place of honor. "We usually kept it in the living room but after my Martha died I moved into the retirement home and have had to keep it in the closet. Oh, everyone gets very excited at the home when I bring it out."

Laura Cossel, of Cossel Auctions, says she expects bidding to start at $300,000. "There's been a huge amount of interest. Imagine, owning the very same urinal Mr. Hendrix pissed in? I get goose bumps just thinking about it." Already enquiries have come in from around the world. Ms. Cossel told this reporter that special interest has been shown from a hotel in Las Vegas. "It's just a rumor but I hear they are creating a Hendrix Suite. It will be filled with all sorts of things he touched, looked at, and thought about during his life. I know they already own a section of sidewalk where he spit."

"I'm sorry to let it go. There'll be no more special wee's for me." Ernest remarked sadly, "I only hope the person who buys it treats it with the same reverence I always have."

Medical News

Dr. Masley Earnst of Peter Hopkins Memorial Hospital released a study today that says, "Tearing someone a new one" is not physically possible.



Doctor Earnst who has worked in proctology for twenty-five years said his patients have told him on a regular basis that they were going to 'tear him a new one'. "This is slang of course meaning they wanted to hurt me by creating a new anus for me with their hands," said the doctor, "So I became interested to find out if this was actually possible."

After nearly three years of research funded by the federal government and using over a hundred chimpanzees as test subjects it was proven definitively that it's not possible. "The key word here is 'anus'. While you can indeed create a new orifice that leads to the bowels with your hand, the resulting infection killed the test animals within forty-eight hours. This means that you cannot create a new functioning anus with your hand and saying you can is simply incorrect."

Prof. Enlee of the Institute of Slang said he read the study with much interest and concurs with the findings. "We can no longer support that saying, 'tear a new one' and it will be removed from our website and the next edition of Swearing in America. We suggest people now say, 'I'm going to create a new hole in your posterior.'"

Tasty News

Las Vegas, US - Mandible Industries has just announced their latest business venture called "Leftovers". They have placed vending machines in high traffic areas that sell...leftovers. "Mostly half-eaten sandwiches and opened soft drinks that still have some fizz left," said President Brad Norstrom, "But we'll also be adding unfinished hamburgers, french fries and opened bottled water soon."

"People would be amazed at all the food that gets thrown out," said Linda Curry, V.P. of marketing. "The original idea was mine. I saw a street person wandering through a casino eating leftover food. I realized that it was money that was just being thrown away!"

When asked if the food was safe to eat Mr. Norstrom assured us it was. "Any place the original person's mouth touched the food has been cut away, and we use heavy doses of radiation to kill any germs or bacteria." "Leftovers" was originally tested in developing nations and results showed the incidence of food poisoning was no higher than with regular vending machine food. "In fact, the chances are it's safer since it's already been tested by someone else."

Ms Curry said that they see their biggest consumer group as children and the elderly. "They aren't as fussy eaters as regular adults. A kid will happily eat dirt if you let them. And old people, well, I mean they do eat dog food. We see this as giving them their dignity back." If Leftovers proves successful Mandible Industries plans to move into the international aid forum with a plastic food bag that people can simply put their leftovers in and mail directly to Mandible. "It'll be irradiated at our factory, which means it'll last for up to a year, and then we'll ship it off to any country that needs food."

We asked a passerby to test out Mandible's Leftover Vending Machines and she said, "My half-eaten tuna sandwich and slightly fizzy ginger ale was delicious and half the price of nearby machines selling "new" food. This is one product I could certainly see feeding my mum. My mum has lost her sense of taste and eats like a bird any way."

Important News

London, UK - The Society for the Preservation of Insects (SPI) has just released a new video that is meant to educate the public on the wanton destruction we wreak upon the insect world without thinking. Norman Galpo, Executive Director of SPI said at a news conference today that he hopes this video will gain wide exposure, especially on Youtube where it is being released for free. "People need to know," said Mr. Galpo, "That insects are dying and in many cases these deaths are needless." He went on the explain that insects are our friends and without them to pollinate our crops, and help consume our waste, the human race could not survive.

While Mr. Galpo reluctantly admitted to this reporter that numerous ants were harmed in the making of this video he said he believes they died for a good cause. "A few died for the many, my organization can move on from here in good conscience." He also said the SPI hopes this video will help raise money for them; the video set them back over a hundred dollars and has depleted their operations budget. The producer who made the video, Rob Thompson said, "I gave them as good a deal as I could but my legal costs are high this year and I can't work for free."

Sexy girls are very sexy when sex is on their minds. Of course Brazilian models are the sexiest of all models and their sexy legs bodies are the sexiest in the world. That is if you like sexy models. If you don't like sexy models then I'm not sure what you would find sexy, especially if sexy Brazilian models are on offer. Have you ever seen a sexy Brazilian nude? Sexy nudes are the sexiest of all sexy nude things. Of course being nude is just plain sexy but nude Brazilian models are even sexier!
Sexy girls are very sexy when sex is on their minds. Of course Brazilian models are the sexiest of all models and their sexy legs bodies are the sexiest in the world. That is if you like sexy models. If you don't like sexy models then I'm not sure what you would find sexy, especially if sexy Brazilian models are on offer. Have you ever seen a sexy Brazilian nude? Sexy nudes are the sexiest of all sexy nude things. Of course being nude is just plain sexy but nude Brazilian models are even sexier!
Sexy girls are very sexy when sex is on their minds. Of course Brazilian models are the sexiest of all models and their sexy legs bodies are the sexiest in the world. That is if you like sexy models. If you don't like sexy models then I'm not sure what you would find sexy, especially if sexy Brazilian models are on offer. Have you ever seen a sexy Brazilian nude? Sexy nudes are the sexiest of all sexy nude things. Of course being nude is just plain sexy but nude Brazilian models are even sexier!
Sexy girls are very sexy when sex is on their minds. Of course Brazilian models are the sexiest of all models and their sexy legs bodies are the sexiest in the world. That is if you like sexy models. If you don't like sexy models then I'm not sure what you would find sexy, especially if sexy Brazilian models are on offer. Have you ever seen a sexy Brazilian nude? Sexy nudes are the sexiest of all sexy nude things. Of course being nude is just plain sexy but nude Brazilian models are even sexier!
Sexy girls are very sexy when sex is on their minds. Of course Brazilian models are the sexiest of all models and their sexy legs bodies are the sexiest in the world. That is if you like sexy models. If you don't like sexy models then I'm not sure what you would find sexy, especially if sexy Brazilian models are on offer. Have you ever seen a sexy Brazilian nude? Sexy nudes are the sexiest of all sexy nude things. Of course being nude is just plain sexy but nude Brazilian models are even sexier!Sexy girls are very sexy when sex is on their minds. Of course Brazilian models are the sexiest of all models and their sexy legs bodies are the sexiest in the world. That is if you like sexy models. If you don't like sexy models then I'm not sure what you would find sexy, especially if sexy Brazilian models are on offer. Have you ever seen a sexy Brazilian nude? Sexy nudes are the sexiest of all sexy nude things. Of course being nude is just plain sexy but nude Brazilian models are even sexier!

Yes, ARLDN T-Shirts are now on sale!

Best Way to Hide An Elephant?

Photo by Julie Max, winner of our How To Hide An Elephant Contest.

Big News

Mr. Robert Tomson of Toronto, Canada, claims to have interviewed God. While many people may claim to have spoken to God, Mr. Tomson believes it is the first time God has allowed himself to be recorded in conversation with an atheist.

The interview has been transcribed and put up on the internet at www.interviewwithgod.info and it covers many wide ranging topics including the meaning of life, heaven and hell, and where we come from. If true, these interviews offer many shocking revelations about humanity and God.

"The fact is," said Mr. Tomson, "That most of what we have of what God said is several thousand years old. Now we have his current up-to-date beliefs and frankly, they are like a breath of fresh air to an atheist like me."

Is Mr. Tomson telling the truth or is he a crackpot, we asked Reverend Juan Cook, "I find much of what he said God said to be laughable and insulting. I also think God would speak to me before he would speak to an atheist. I mean why speak to an atheist at all, it doesn't make any sense!"

But Shauna Firskin, a neighbor of Mr. Tomson, disagrees, "He's a really nice guy. A little hard to understand sometimes with his thick accent, but I can tell you he's not a crackpot and if he says he spoke to God, I believe him."

Important News

Russia - Dr. Emmanuel Kantz releases his latest paper today in which he announces, “Nature got it wrong!”

Dr. Kantz said it all began when a colleague commented on how hard life was. “You hear that a lot in Russia and I wanted to figure out if it was true or not.” After nearly seven years of researching fossils, funded by the Institue of Abnormal Science, the doctor proved that life is indeed hard.

“It all went wrong right at the very beginning. You had your basic life forms that lived off the sun and water and various chemicals. And when they died you had your other life forms that ate the dead bodies. That was great and if God had of just left it there we would have been fine. The trouble all starts when one of those eaters of the dead decided to eat one of the living and we got our first predator.”

Dr. Kantz, who is handsome but stands only five feet tall, said, “The fact that life sucks all comes down to predators, like human beings, that kill other living creatures to survive. I mean the idea is really quite ludicrous, and a real waste of energy, for one creature to get its sustenance by eating the flesh of another. We would have all been better off just being plants or mould. I really don’t know what God was thinking.”

Rumour is rife in the Institute that Dr. Kantz is being considered for a Nobel Prize. The Director of the Institute said that while the competition for the prize is intense Dr. Kantz is more than capable of destroying the competition. “What we have here is definitive proof that old mother nature is just plain wrong. It puts life in a totally new perspective and that deserves a reward.”

This reporter has learned that the Russian government is seriously considering starting a program to eliminate predators once and for all.

Peculiar News

Oxford, UK - A street beggar who goes by the name of "John" has recently moved online. "I'm getting too old for the streets and want to let people give me a few bucks from the comfort of their own computers."

The website which was designed for him by his local church had no problems helping John beg online. "Frankly, I'm happy to get him off the street," said Reverent West-McMaster of the Holy Order of the Sheep of Jesus. "People seem all right with those fundamental churches in the US begging for money all the time on TV, I don't see why John shouldn't try his luck."

So far no money has been given to John via his website and in an angry blog posting he called people, "Bums." John later apologized for this outburst and said he was warned that he'd have to keep out on the streets for the time being. "Begging online is cutting edge and it will take a little while for it to catch on. But I hope to be off the streets by next fall."

Heart Warming News

France - It was just too hot for this little fellow in the suburbs of Paris where spring temperatures reached a scorching 30 degrees celsius.


Photo by Francois Hermuldenerphefer

Let's hope the heat doesn't drive him squirrelly!

Shocking News

A veterinarian, Dr. Clarence Martin, from Lost Creek, Alberta, was arrested last week for defrauding his clients. He was charging full rates for an expensive euthanizing drug to put down his clients animals but when the doors were closed he instead killed them with a hammer. When asked why he did this the doctor simply replied, "Dead is dead."

Legal Disclaimer

Everything on every page is totally fictitious. All names are made up and any similarity to anyone alive or dead is purely coincidental. Photos have been purchased from a photo site and the people in these pictures have absolutely nothing to do with any of the stories here. This site is purely for entertainment purposes and a comment on this crazy world. We are not against atheists.



Sexy girls are very sexy when sex is on their minds. Of course Brazilian models are the sexiest of all models and their sexy legs bodies are the sexiest in the world. That is if you like sexy models. If you don't like sexy models then I'm not sure what you would find sexy, especially if sexy Brazilian models are on offer. Have you ever seen a sexy Brazilian nude? Sexy nudes are the sexiest of all sexy nude things. Of course being nude is just plain sexy but nude Brazilian models are even sexier!